Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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