I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
