im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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