I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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