i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He shit in the fireplace
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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