he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize