are you so shy because you have an std?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
