he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
