I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will be naked everywhere
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
