There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
