i think i have two assholes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
