I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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