i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
