mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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