My cat gives me a boner
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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