I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just shotgunned beers for America
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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