i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
