I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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