The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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