you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
