If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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