I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
