So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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