also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i drank out of a bidet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
