I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Every concussion has its silver lining
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
