yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am naked and annoyed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
