We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
