Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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