U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
