I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
