My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
