I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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