xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
