Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
