Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
