I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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