I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
