so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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