The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
