Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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