At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize