my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
