Swine flu is the new snow day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
