don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
