the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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