Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
