loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
