i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
