just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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