He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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