hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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