fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
