Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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