Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
