I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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