Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
