So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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