: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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