This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize