What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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