He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
