I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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