You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize