nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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