Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
