Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
