I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
