I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
