i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
