never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize