Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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