Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dear god my vagina.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
