Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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