Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
