Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize