I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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