i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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