I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All the doctor said was why
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
