do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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