In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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