Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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