i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
