Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
