My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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