i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
