also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
