is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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