Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
