You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
