I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
