mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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